Becoming Epic and Extraordinary

(beware: abhorrently long blog. apologies from the rookie)

At the behest of an old friend and devout blogger, I have created this space to chronicle my musings, reflections, convictions and –occasionally- misguided rhetoric. I don't expect you to be riveted by my wit or fascinated by my intellectual genious. Blogs are really just an electronic replacement for those roundly resented family newsletters. I myself have always enjoyed reading about others' yearly achievements, if perhaps with a snort or two at the especially pretentious parts, and I hope to utilise this forum in a similar way.

Mid-August my life will begin undergoing drastic change. Instead of break-neck racing to stand still, I will be adventuring and exploring the world and myself. For almost two years I have been working two jobs, and commuting an hour each way to one of them. Between time in the car, time at the desk, and time waiting tables, I'm away from home 70 hours a week. I'm 23. This. Is. Ridiculous. I work Monday through Saturday, and spend Sundays recuperating from the previous week, the previous night, and the previous year of the same pattern. I know there are those who believe that young professionals have to 'put in their time' and 'do the grunt work' before they are afforded luxuries like sleep and time in the garden. And perhaps that is true. But it's not for me.

There are thousands - millions, even - of people who genuinely don't care that they hate their jobs. For them, it's just a job. They go to work, get it done, and come home. They might even work overtime and climb their way up that slippery corporate ladder, and maybe they get satisfaction from that. But not from their tasks, their daily grind. That's great! For them. But I can't force myself to continue on a path that doesn't resonate with who I am.

It's not that my job is soul-sucking or morally reprehensible. I was actually rather lucky to find a position in a field of interest for me. I work for Global Dynamics and personally manage our expatriate training program, which provides cross cultural training for executives who are getting paid oodles of money to relocate to (usually) beautiful, interesting places. Typically the accompanying spouse (more and more of my execs are women towing a husband along - fantastic to see) cannot immediately (if ever) seek employment in the host country due to visa restrictions. We'll get into my dreams of being an 'accompanying spouse' another time. But I digress. This job isn't for me because I sit at a desk all day long, and commute long hours, sitting, in my car. And because I work in a home office with one -ONE!- other person. All day. And because there is no upward mobility and because for some reason, I have not one iota of motivation to do more than the minimum.

That last is really the kicker. I'm competitive, a leader, and goal-oriented. I want to win, be the best and look good doing it. I don't know why those traits never darken the GDI doors, but somehow I leave all of that at home asleep when I drive off for the day. The absence of something so vital to my sense of self is a hollowness I try to ignore.

After feeling like I've been furiously treading water in the shallow end since graduation, I've finally decided to put my feet down and walk out of the pool. This fall I will begin teaching English in South Korea. In August, I am packing up whatever belongings I have left after summer yard sales and craigslist postings (hopefully not much), packing them into my Jeep, and following the sun to the place that will always be home for me - California. Then the Jeep goes into hibernation in Mom's garage, and I pack for a year in Ulsan, South Korea. I am excited to go, sad to leave, and exhilirated by a feeling that I'm rejoining my path.

Months ago, as I began researching the wild idea of leaving the US to teach abroad, I felt a shift, as if my life had been out of focus and someone had just started to fix the viewfinder. I feel that shift, to differing degrees, when I've made a choice or participated in an activity that is aligned with who I am and who I want (am destined?) to be. I believe that increasing one's awareness to those little peripheral shifts can have enormously positive repercussions - but it can be so easy to forget to watch for them, and to explore the places that hold them. I have a fortune on my desk at work, from a chinese lunch eaten when I first began at this job: "Everything I do, I do to make my heart sing."

Up until now, it has mocked me from the top of my computer monitor as I faced it with a weary, beaten expression. I kept it there so that when the day came when its truth was ready to be adopted, I could carry it out of this place an never look back. That is exactly what I intend to do.

Oh, and if you'd like to learn Chinese, Banana is Xiang-jiao.